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You & Your Wedding

Time:2018-07-18 08:22Turbochargers information Click:

wedding forum emotions

New bride

Hey there just wanted to share something that Ive been experiencing lately. I got engaged about nine months ago and we will be married in about 8 weeks. I have been going through a rough stage with my family about my wedding and fiance. For one my father and my fiance dislike each other due to a fallout they had a few months ago. After the whole thing my dad just turned very negative towards our marriage and believes we wont 'last long'. My fiance respects him and all but he constantly complains about what a bad father he is and how he never shows any support for our marriage. I agree with him ofcourse because it is true they have always put me in the non important category. My dad tries to compete with him as crazy as that sounds and I honestly believe he sees him as a threat. I honestly dont know why, hes always showed so much respect and been helpful. Then things just went downhill and it affected our relationship so much. I told my fiance that I didnt want him to let this affect our relationship and he agreed. But then after a few months it just made things worse. We argued all the time constantly over family. I have never disrespected his family. They live in a different country, so we only had contact through phones. But he does this one thing I hate where whenever we fight he compares me to my parents. Its so upsetting that his built this much hatred towards them. My dad pretty much kicked him out when they had their big fight. It was so bad, and he was shocked at what it had lead to. He couldnt  under stand why he did such a thing, for months he yelled and screamed at me whenever i told him to mend things. It was so hurtful being in the middle of my dad and my fiance. Now things are okay i guess. But then theres my parents lack of care and support, its more my dad Id say...

He never asks me or shows any enthusiasm about the wedding. My fiance is working long hours at work, he saved up money to bring his mum, dad and grandmother here. Im so proud of him because he did it all on his own. Nobody helped him. There was also the money for the visa application fees, and again he payed all of it. My dad belittled him before saying that he couldn't do it all. But my fiance proved him wrong. Im so proud of all his hard work and appreciate what a hardworking fiance i have.  

Lately, my fiance and I have been having problems. I dont know if anyone has ever experienced this right before their wedding but to me it sounds wrong. Everything i say to him just irritates him and he never wants to hear it. I know hes been stressed and hasnt had any proper sleep. But he says the nastiest things to me, it feels like posion. I can never express my emotions because he never gets it. He tells me that I always ruin his mood. The things i talk about is just the wedding plans and the things we need to do. He has no patience for me at all. I feel like he hates me...

I just want some advice on this. I dont want to break up, that would be the last thing I would want. But i dont know what it is he seems to be. It could be stress. I just want to be positive at least for our wedding.

kitty-

12 Jul 2018 07:07

Wedding addict

Having been on the other side of this with inlaws who dislike you it can make you very bitter . Id sit down with your fiancé and have a deep chat about what he’s doing and how it makes you feel. You need to air things. 

Another thing that myself and my fiancé have agreed is contact with his family and that I will have very limited contact after the wedding as otherwise it puts a strain on us and put boundaries on your parents aka if they have nothing nice to say don’t say it at all. also Maybe it’s worth agreeing not to argue about them 

MrsRendall2B

12 Jul 2018 07:08

Bridezilla

As hard as this is, I think for now you need to put the wedding on hold. You can't enter into a marriage and expect it to work when there is this much tension and such big issues behind it. Yes, it's possible your fiancé is stressed and that's making the situation worse but he's probably stressed because he's due to marry someone who's new family don't seem to like him all that much. That's a difficult thing to deal with. Especially when you consider a marriage as a joining of two families.

If you don't mind me asking, what was the huge blowout between your fiancé and your dad about? Is it something that could be repaired if they sat and talked it through? I think you'd have to mediate and make it clear to both men that you can't and won't be happy until the issue is resolved and that if they really care about you, then they need to put their differences aside and at least be civil.

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